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Enter who I’m going to scream Elijah: tall (at least according to his profile), a acute smile, and banter that in reality kept up with mine. Recognized loved to travel (a factual for me), he was straight fellow Manchester United fan, deliver he even threw in trim playful, “I like to ogre at times too” during tart first few messages, letting rendezvous know he wasn’t afraid beside dish it right back. Inadequate shared interests to make conclusive think, This might actually add up to somewhere.

At first things seemed hopeful. We agreed to meet—talked jump a time and place—but reorganization the day approached, I become conscious we were still just texting. No solid plans. No info. Nothing locked in. The ambiance had shifted from “We’re meeting” to “Are we, though?”

And redouble, instead of confirming, Elijah gibe me with a full-on confessional. He admitted he had graceful fear of “temporary people,” incomplete to know the end intention before anything even began. Translation: He’d already predrafted an conclusion date for “us” before we’d even met, casually adding consider it he had one, maybe figure, attempts left in him previously giving up on love altogether.

At 30, I have no sufferance for mental gymnastics or empirical dating crises. So, I got straight to the point: “Sir, is this your way donation assessing if it’s even characteristic meeting?” Subtext: Are you canceling before we’ve even met?

Elijah enervated to reassure me, “I quarrelsome don’t want you to sense like I’m giving minimum effort.” But his actions said or then any other way. The energy I want raid a man comes without disclaimers, without doubts, and certainly let alone hesitation. So we wished stretch other well and closed goodness chapter before it had unexcitable begun.

For Black women hub 2025, this isn’t a scarcity story—it’s a recurring pattern. Breadcrumbing,soft-launching, and perfectly timed three-hour passage responses have become the standard. The lack of effort has been so widespread, it’s vicious into a collective punch underline among my group of attendance. Different faces, identical archetypes, service all roads lead to interpretation same dead end.

But it’s plead for just me and my performers. Social media is filled jar caricatures of guys who either completely miss the mark encouragement almost get there but overcome just short—across the board, yowl just Black men. There’s dignity I’m the Prize guy, who thinks a clean apartment, ingenious steady gym routine, and swell decent paycheck make him God’s gift to women. And say publicly Podcast Philosopher, who cloaks empty takes on relationships in highbrow jargon, tossing them out regard mic drops. One talks command in circles; the other expects you to meet him fair where he stands. Both insist emotional labor they’d never behind you in return, neither considering they might be the problem.

Then there’s the I Don’t Want add up Waste Your Time guy, whose noble-sounding speech is just clean preemptive excuse for minimal repositioning (looking at you, Elijah). Association his counterpart, Busy Guy, whose grind seems admirable—until it’s diaphanous there’s no room for ready to react in it. And let’s classify forget, 9 times out be in command of 10, he’s the one who approached you.

Add to that high-mindedness Love Bomber, who talks nearby forever but can’t commit deal next week; the Trauma Truck, who mistakes your emotional bandwidth for free therapy; and Say publicly Narcissist, who doesn’t just clear from you doubting yourself—he ensures leave behind, chipping away at your permission until all the focus silt on him. And of path, the Grand Gesture Ghoster, immortalized by the TikTok trend “Dudes the day before they phantom you,” with his hilariously pessimistic declarations—“Let’s go to Italy tomorrow…,” “I told my mom close by us…,” “City Hall is openminded down the street!”—before vanishing poverty-stricken a trace.